It’s not uncommon for anger to arise in every person sometimes. I think we can all agree that there are situations and people that can cause us to go from peaceful to angry in a quick minute. When you get angry, how do you deal with it? Do you start screaming? Do you slam doors? Pout? Throw things? Or do you take the more positive approach and deal with it in a way that is considered healthy?
Dealing with anger by yourself is one thing, but what about when you become angry with your partner or spouse? Do you voice your anger or stuff it? Do you attempt to have a calm discussion about what you’re angry about or do you fly off the handle? Do you call up your best friend or Mom and let it all out? Yes, there are many ways people deal with anger in relationships. Today, let’s take a look at some positive anger management techniques for relationships.
- Take a moment to breathe
The truth is that you’re going to have plenty of opportunities to get angry in your relationship. Spend enough time with someone or living with someone and you can get on each other’s nerves. Your partner can say or do things that drive you insane. So what do you do when you first feel that tweak of anger? Take a moment to take a deep breath. Slowly breathe in and slowly breathe out. You may want to close your eyes while you’re doing this and mentally tell yourself that you’re going to handle this in a mature and healthy way. By taking a moment (or longer) to mentally prepare for how you’re going to handle the angry emotions, you’re more apt to follow through in a mature and healthy way.
- Have a conversation
Many times in a relationship partners will stuff feelings of anger over and over until a day when all heck breaks loose and everything they’ve stuffed comes out like a tidal wave. Stuffing angry emotions won’t help you out in the long run. In order to contend with angry emotions as they arise is to sit down and have a conversation with your partner about them. Let him or her know you’re upset about something. Discuss how you can resolve the situation. Does he leave the bathroom looking like a tornado hit it? Let him know you would appreciate him cleaning up before he leaves. Does she leave your tools all over the place? Let her know you’d appreciate her putting them back where she found them. Communication is huge when it comes to dealing with anger in a relationship.
- Ask yourself if you’re projecting
Sometimes when one is angry with his or her partner, there’s really some projecting going on. If you’re brewing with anger about something, before you blow off steam toward your partner, ask yourself if this is really about him or her or is it about you? For example, if you’re angry at your partner because he goes golfing with friends once a week, see if you’re really angry about that or maybe you’re angry because you wish you had friends to go play with once a week. It’s easy to project in relationships, so keep this in mind before you unleash any anger toward your partner.
Anger will show up in a relationship for various reasons, but you don’t have to let that anger ruin it. Have conversations about how you both will choose to handle angry emotions and if you do take things out on each other or handle a situation inappropriately, be sure to apologize quickly. An apology goes a long way in a relationship. If you find you’re both not handling anger so well, consider seeing a relationship therapist so you can both learn how to contend with anger in healthy ways. Your relationship is worth it.